Last week was one of the most difficult weeks I've experienced thus far. I unexpectedly lost my beloved dog Sookie. Sookie was only 4.5 years old. She started showing signs of what I had believed to be kennel cough on Easter Sunday. I took her to the vet on Monday morning, after a few hours they transferred me to the University of Minnesota Veterinary Clinic. Sookie was admitted into ICU. I learned a few hours later that she had a collapsing trachea. This is apparently very common in small breed dogs, especially yorkies. However, Sookie's was quite severe. We kept her in ICU over night, and the plan was to see how she did with drug therapy. If that didn't improve things she would need a surgery that would cost over $5,000.
Monday afternoon I went to the ICU, took off her little sweatshirt, gave her a hug and kiss and told her I'd see her in the morning. At 5:00am, Tuesday April 2nd, I received the call that my baby girl went into cardiac arrest and did not make it. As Im sure you can imagine I was and am devistated by her loss. I've had a difficult time coming to terms with it, and my poor boy Caesar has also been lost. I had all kinds of posts I wanted to put up last week of projects I've been working on, but I couldnt find the energy. I didnt get out of bed for 3 days. Fortunately, I work in an office of dog owners. Everyone was extremely understanding of my situation.
I wanted to share with you some of the ways I coped with her loss. First, is a letter I posted on my personal Facebook page to her.
Dear Sookie,
Hi baby girl. You know you’re weird ass mamma had to write you a goodbye letter. I know, you’re thinking “yep, saw this coming mom.” I have to try to put into words what you’ve meant to me. Words really don’t do it justice, but at least it helps to say them.
I remember the day you came into my life. I pulled in the driveway and saw you in the backyard. A tiny, nervous little furball. You looked up at me with those big eyes and I was done. I was yours.
I had no idea at that moment how much you would teach me. I think that my heart quadrupled in size with just the love I had for you. Sometimes I would sit and stare at you because I couldn’t believe how much love I felt. I wanted to hug and squeeze you constantly. I missed you when we were a part. But when I would come home, there you were, excited to see me. You would jump, smile and “honk”.
You were the worlds best snuggler. Really. Every night, curling up in a little ball next to me, or sharing my pillow. We were like girl friends at a sleepover, laying on our backs next to each other.
You were so enthusiastic when we would go out for walks. I should have taken you on more of them.
Sometimes it drove me crazy, but I secretly loved how, on the weekends, you would try to wake me up by pawing and licking my face. You were always ready to start the day happy and bouncy.
I worry about Caesar since I cant explain to him where you are. You taught him how to be a dog, by the way, thanks for teaching him to sit on the back of the couch! He’s too big for that you know.
I will miss your high fives or how you would dance for a treat. I will miss watching you find the sunniest spot in the yard and stretch out in the warmth. I will miss how you felt, how your tiny paws felt when you would walk across my feet. I will miss every little thing about you. Even cleaning up the little turds you’d leave for me when I was at work.
Thank you for changing me. Thank you for loving me, just as I am. Thank you for making the decision to leave this world so that I didn’t have to decide for you. Having you in my life, even though the time was so short, was the greatest gift I could have ever received. I will count the minutes until we can be together again.
Saying “I love you” doesn’t even begin to cover what I felt for you, but I’ll say it anyway. Sookie, I love you, always have, always will.
I also created this memorial photo of her
The outpouring of love and support I received from my friends, family, and coworkers has been incredible. I have been fortunate enough to have lived a life that hasnt been touched by much grief and loss. This was a loss that was more than I could put into words. But people reached out to me, phone calls, facebook, texts, and even cards. It was such a humbling experience. I miss my baby girl every second of every day, but its a comfort to know that I have such wonderful support.
I hope to be back to posting more often soon, I have lots to share with you!
I'll end this post with a link to this lovely poem. Anyone who has lost a pet is probably familiar with The Rainbow Bridge.
